Welcome to my virtual office.

I provide therapy services to adults, couples and relationship partners, throughout the state of California, using HIPAA-compliant video over Zoom. If you would like to set up a meeting or if you have questions, please email through my contact page.

Helping you evolve in love, intimacy, sex and relationships.

Relationship care and feeding instructions:

Communicate
Communicate
Communicate

For many of our issues, we can search into our deep, dark past for the origin of the cause, or we can just initiate massive behavior change. If I eat too much pizza and have cholesterol issues, etc., I can spend a year in therapy looking at the root cause, or I can just not buy pizza and instead, re-frame my thoughts and behavior and instead focus on salad being better fuel. So, yes, I prefer massive behavior change over digging into our deep, dark, past issues — we can always figure out the reason later.

Russell Wilkie, MFT
Pronouns: he/him/his (what’s this?)

Specialties

Polyamory-Friendly Therapy
Polyamory-Friendly Therapy
Polyamory is not for the faint of heart. The issues tend to be exponentially more difficult because of more people being involved, but if this is your relationship orientation, or you want to experiment down this path, I can show you some pitfalls to avoid.
LGBTQ-Friendly Therapy
LGBTQ-Friendly Therapy
LGBTQIA+ people are often marginalized and need acceptance and understanding more than others and I’m here to provide that. I can understand your everyday issues as well as your unique concerns.
Kink-Friendly Therapy & Sex Therapy
Kink-Friendly Therapy & Sex Therapy
The 36 percent of adults in the United States who use masks, blindfolds, and bondage tools are vastly underrepresented and rarely spoken of. I’m here to help you process through your concerns about this typically forbidden topic.
Existential Therapy
Existential Therapy
The “givens” of existence from an existential perspective are death, isolation, meaninglessness, and freedom. I’m here to be brave with you as you look at these scary aspects and help you find happiness and fulfillment despite them.

  • I have a passion … Research, and over 35 years of experience, clearly shows that effective therapy is not a set of skills or techniques, but it is actually a way of being. Who I “be” in life (and with my clients) is the most important thing in helping others.

  • If you communicate differently, from the core of your being (with clarity and compassion), your life and relationships can radically change. This is a lot of what I do in my work, especially early on.

  • I want to give useful information in these pages, so you can see how I think and work, and to help you make wise choices — sometimes not conforming to outside pressures is what’s truly in your best interest.

  • The blogs are mostly tools and techniques you can use in relationships, and they will give you a sense of how I think. You can join my email list for some occasional new ideas that come out of my work.

  • Coding a website looked like fun and it’s a great hobby for a perfectionist like me — one little missing character and weird things can happen, so you really do have to be perfect… By the way, if you like “For Dummies” books, and/or want to learn to code, I highly recommend Andy Harris’s “HTML, XHTML, and CSS All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies.” I had originally created this website almost exclusively using that one book, but now with the ease of WordPress and lack of time, experts have taken over for me.

I am passionate about effective therapy as a way of being, not as a set of skills or techniques to change people.

One more tidbit:

Choosing a therapist is like choosing shoes — you may have to try some on before you find one that fits.

So, click here if you’d like to see if we would be a good working team.