Left to our own devices, once the honeymoon phase ends, we tend to take our partner for granted and don’t regularly appreciate them. So, here are 2 things you can do:

–This idea is from my friend Marty Fermer. Way back when, he drew hearts on three by three sticky-notes and in the center, he wrote 95%. He put them all over the house. The ninety-five percent is designed to represent the part of the relationship that works and thus the part to be focused on. In most relationships it seems like 5% just never works well, but if you focus on it, then it seems larger than the true experience. The goal is to get your mind to focus on what works by appreciating what is good in the relationship – the sticky-notes around the house being a daily reminder.

gratitude word graphic“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.”
— Robin S. Sharma

–Another suggestion I have for couples is to give each other daily appreciations (thank you Barbara Musser). The idea here is to focus on the good thoughts you have had about your sweetie throughout the day and then appreciate them verbally before you go to sleep – again to focus on what works in the relationship. Be sure you focus on their character, like how thoughtful the person is resulted in you getting your favorite dinner made for you, or how loving they are, which made them call your mother when in the hospital, etc. The more you appreciate their character, the more power your words have. Appreciating them for taking out the trash is not much of an appreciation, for example, so dig under for the reason the person did something nice.

As you do more and more of the above, then it becomes easier for your sweetie to let go of the little resentments and prickles they can get from you throughout a day. Also, the negative things in the relationship will tend to fade from your awareness. If not, then these withheld feelings and thoughts can fill up our resentment box (which you pour all over your sweetie when upset). It takes about 2.987654 appreciations per day to undo a resentment, so remember to not take your sweetie for granted and appreciate them so they can let go of their resentments and be closer and more loving back to you.

Click to download a copy of Appreciating Your Partner.