Does Sex Really Start in the Kitchen? – How to Create All-Day Foreplay

When it comes to long-term relationships, both partners need to put in effort to keep things exciting in the bedroom. Early in a relationship, most of our romantic efforts happen automatically because we are so enthralled and want to win the other’s heart. The secret for a long-lasting romance is to keep doing the captivating things you did in the beginning.

But if you think that foreplay only begins after you close the bedroom door, you might be missing out on some prime opportunities that can help your partner feel desired and that can build anticipation.

For happy couples with healthy sex lives, sex and desire aren’t confined to the bedroom. Foreplay can be an all-day process, even when you both have very full lives.

Want to recreate those honeymoon-phase jitters?

Here’s how to take foreplay outside the bedroom and make your partner feel desired all day long.

Teasing/Flirting

You don’t have to wait until the sun sets to start teasing or being suggestive to your partner. You can be creative and try something like a naughty comment before they head out the door for work, or leaving a flirty note on the bathroom mirror or in their car, or my favorite, a sticky note that says, “I have the hots for you,” left in the microwave oven—it’s never too early to get things going.

And don’t forget to keep the buzz going during the day. A risqué, mid-day text only takes a moment to send. And even if it isn’t risqué, reading words like, “I wanna kiss you,” might help your partner get in the mood for some fun later on.

You don’t have to go overboard with your teasing. Say just enough to let your partner know what you have in mind and give them butterflies. A major aspect of flirting is the implication of what is not said.

Give Compliments and Appreciations

Be generous with compliments and appreciations. Saying something flattering about your partner doesn’t cost a thing. Plus, no one ever gets tired of hearing their lover whispering sweet nothings in their ear.

Sometimes, just letting your partner know how beautiful or handsome you still find them after all this time together will be enough to make them blush. Other times, you might want to get a little more creative. Either way, don’t stop delivering those compliments. 

Let your partner know how much you appreciate and desire them, how attractive they are, and that you never take their love for granted. Be sure your appreciations are about their physical being or their character. There is no sexiness in appreciating your partner for emptying the trash, but you can mention how much it means to you that they are such a thoughtful person (a character compliment) to have taken your car for a wash because of how important a clean one is to you.

Be Suggestive

Want to set the scene for a little fun in the bedroom? Be open about what you want with just enough missing information to be enticing and create curiosity.

You might suggest something new that you know you’ve both wanted to try. Or you could reference something you know your partner loves. Give them something specific to expect that you already know they’ll be into. But leave some room for mystery, too…

If you want to continue cultivating desire in a long-term relationship, both of you should feel comfortable being proactive when it comes to stating what you want. 

Physical Affection

Foreplay should be both verbal and physical. People have different limits when it comes to public displays of affection. Keeping that in mind, you can keep things a bit edgy, but appropriate and still turn on your partner.

Giving them a quick kiss, holding hands, throwing your arm around their shoulders, or even just giving them a hug—it all adds up.

And when you get a moment of privacy, feel free to get a little friskier to give them a preview of what’s in store later.

Pillow Talk

When all is said and done at the end of your romantic evening, is foreplay over? Not at all.

Esther Perel, LMFT is famous for saying that foreplay starts after the last orgasm. Don’t just roll over and go to sleep. Instead, spend some time cuddling, kissing, and talking about everything you enjoyed. Say a few more appreciations. So, if you want your partner to wake up tomorrow looking forward to another meeting between the sheets with you, remember that those moments when you’re both relaxing together are also very valuable.

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Wondering how you and your partner can spice up your love life, in or out of the bedroom? Contact me today to see how sex therapy/kink-friendly therapy can help you revive the spark.

Click to download a copy of Does Sex Really Start in The Kitchen? – How to Create All-Day Foreplay.