If you’re an individual that’s tired of ending up in the wrong relationship, or you are a couple and you want to look at the compatibility of your relationship, then give this experiment a go:

Imagine you have one chance (and only one chance) to choose a partner for the rest of your life. Are you going to just take what comes your way, or “fall into a relationship,” or be driven by hormones, and wake up one day wondering how you ended up with someone who doesn’t match you?

Or are you going to choose with clarity?

If you don’t want things to turn out randomly (and usually, painfully), then make a list of the 5 things you must have (or must not have) in a partner. Then also make a 30-item optional list. It could look something like this:

5 must haves:couple holding hands with baby shoes
  1. No substance abuse
  2. Monogamous
  3. Spiritually connected
  4. Financially stable
  5. Wants to have children

30-item optional list:

  1. Likes volleyball
  2. Likes romantic movies
  3. Enjoys horses
  4. Is an extrovert, etc.

Now, don’t date someone unless they have the required 5. And they must have at least 10 of your optional 30.

Yes. I wrote, “Don’t even date them.” So, don’t even date them. Don’t even date them!

If they don’t pass the “must have” list of 5, then you have to cross them off the list of possible partners. And you need to do it sooner rather than later — before you get in over your head and become attached and deeply in lust. Many people fall in lust with someone’s “potential.” That is, everything is amazing, awesome, incredible, but they have a “little substance abuse issue” and you think it will improve or you can help improve it. Not likely… Possible, sure, but are you willing to suffer intense heartache?

Your “future ex-spouse” may match with you on all areas of the 30-item optional list, but only matches on 4 out of the 5 “must have” list. If that item turns out to not match because they don’t want children. You’d be doomed.

Yeah, that’s 34 out of 35 perfectly matching items; unfortunately, the “must have” is a “make or break” the relationship issue.

What if, after a few years you “suddenly” discover that your partner doesn’t want children?

Be cautious. Be more driven from your intellect than you heart or your groin.

There is an even deeper way of looking at this. Under the “must haves” is “true compatibility.” In order to have a truly compatible and long-lasting relationship, you essentially need an alignment in your core:

  1. Values
  2. Beliefs
  3. Commitments

For example, could a police officer be married to a known thief and illegal drug abuser?

Love yourself enough to make sure you get what you want, need and deserve.

Click to download a copy of Choice Partnering.