Midlife Crisis? – How to Know What You Really Want and Need to Feel Content

Some people joke about having a midlife crisis, but if you’re going through one, you know it’s not a laughing matter. It can happen at any age.

Perhaps you reached a big birthday, looked around, and started feeling like you missed the boat on what you really wanted to do with your life.

A major turning point can manifest in different ways for different people. Some might quit their job or doubt their relationship. Others may engage in reckless spending or struggle with depression.

Whatever your struggle may be, you have the power to turn a crisis into a positive evolution. If you look at the underpinnings of your discontent, you may find that becoming aware is actually a gift.

Here’s how to get past your roadblock and figure out what will make you feel fulfilled and contented:

Radical Honesty

In order to emerge from your crisis feeling stronger, you need to be radically honest with yourself. Often, such an experience is the result of minimizing or denying your reality. The pain is typically because you followed a path that others expected and not your true desires.

Now, it’s time to start being honest with your friends, your family, and maybe even your colleagues. Most importantly, you need to be unflinchingly honest with yourself.

Process of Elimination

Let’s say that you have no idea what you want to do next in life, but deep down, you know it’s time to make a change. How can you start taking steps in the right direction if you don’t really know where you want to go?

First and foremost, let go of the idea that you need to have a clear picture of what you want in life before making changes. Instead, write down everything in your life that no longer serves you. Perhaps this list includes your job, your current neighborhood, certain friendships, or even your spouse or long-term partner.

Remember, this is a time for radical honesty. So, if you know that something is no longer right for you, write it down—even if it’s hard to admit. You don’t have to show it to anyone.

Reflections

Now, it’s time to take a walk down memory lane. As a child, most of us had dreams of what we wanted to do when we reached adulthood. Do you have a memory like that? What did you want to do before anyone told you who you had to be or should be? Did you have a dream that you clung to before you were taught that you should pursue something more practical?

This might be a good time to go through any old photos or journals and see what you can dig up. If you feel comfortable asking your parents or siblings, go for it. Perhaps you’ll find some inspiration for your future in the dreams you thought you had to leave behind.

Open Up

You don’t have to go through a midlife crisis alone. You’re certainly not the only person who has experienced this. It’s so easy to keep our feelings bottled up inside and avoid expressing ourselves out of shame or embarrassment. But if there has ever been a time for you to open up about your process, it’s now.

Ask your older friends or relatives, or anyone else who you consider a mentor if they’ve ever been through a similar experience. They may have some valuable advice to share. And knowing that others have been down this path is reassuring.

A major turning point in your life is often about a lack of meaning in life. Psychotherapy can be invaluable in this circumstance; it means grappling with the core concepts from existential therapy: Meaning, Isolation, Freedom and Death.

Yes, those words can sound intimidating. But at its core, this is what a major life change is all about. Sometimes, you must be willing to dive deep into the problem before things turn around for the better.

If you’ve tried everything to get through this on your own, but nothing seems to be helping, it’s probably time to consider talking to a therapist. Existential therapy can help you get on the right track.

Click to download a copy of Midlife Crisis — How to Know What You Really Want and Need to Feel Content.