On the surface, open or polyamorous relationships can seem very different than monogamous relationships.
Whether you want to have just one partner, or you’d rather mix it up and date more than one, all high-quality relationships have some things in common. No matter how many partners you have, you all need to able to communicate honestly and clearly with one another. And in poly or open relationships, communication is strikingly more important — the more people you add, the better you need to be in your interactions.
Why? Because you don’t just have to consider one other person’s well-being and opinions. You might have to balance two or three others and come up with solutions that work for everyone.
Here’s why communication is vital if you want to have long-term, polyamorous relationships, or simply open up your monogamous partnership:
Sexual/Physical Safety
If you have multiple partners, it’s in everyone’s best interest to think, “safety first.” Your partners and you should all feel comfortable being regularly tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs, formerly STDs). If you’re in an open relationship with one committed partner, but you both date other people outside of that, you need to stay up to date on your status.
Sometimes, having this discussion is uncomfortable, but you need to discuss sexual health and safety before getting into an open or poly relationship and, going forward, you’ll need to be comfortable discussing these things.
Fostering Trust
Trust is a major foundation of healthy relationships. Trust can be eroded without the presence of regular and clear communication. This is as true in monogamous relationships as it is of open or polyamorous relationships.
After all, dating outside the boundaries of monogamy doesn’t mean that you get a free pass on lying to your partners or hiding things from them, though, unfortunately many people do. Regardless of how many people you’re romantically involved with, regular, honest communication is crucial if you want to have long-term relationships rooted in genuine trust.
Different Perspectives
Whether you have several partners in a poly relationship or you and your formerly monogamous partner have recently brought a new person into the equation, everyone involved in a non-monogamous relationship should have a chance to have their voice heard in decisions that will affect them.
If you neglect communication and inclusiveness, people will be left out or ignored, and end up in pain. So, in the interest of fairness, each person should have an opportunity to speak up and be heard.
Public Status
Some people are more open than others about their polyamorous lifestyle. Others may feel like they need to keep their status hidden. Of course, it can get complicated when one person in a poly relationship wants to tell their friends and family about their multiple partners, while others would rather keep it under wraps.
If you want to respect everyone’s privacy, discussing how much you would or wouldn’t like to share with the world is essential. You don’t want to “out” someone whose loved ones aren’t so understanding…
Early Intervention
The idea that open or polyamorous relationships are inherently more dramatic than monogamous relationships isn’t necessarily true. However, if you don’t communicate well and regularly, that’s a risk you might be taking. With several people involved, there are more perspectives to consider and a greater potential for misunderstandings.
If you can all get real about your feelings and wants and needs from the start, you can nip many issues in the bud. One way to avoid conflicts in relationships is to resist the urge to let an issue fester. Instead of trying to bottle up your feelings, you need to be vulnerable with your partner, even when it’s uncomfortable.
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Are you and your partner(s) new to navigating the world of polyamory or open relationships? If you need some guidance, please reach out. I’d be glad to help. Contact me today to see how Polyamory-Friendly Therapy can help.
Click to download a copy of Why Communication is Vital for Polyamorous Relationships.
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